help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
