..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
