I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
