Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
pray to the hookup gods
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
