who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I could make wine with my vomit
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
