Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
