ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
