I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
