On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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