He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
