SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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