have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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