I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
