What did we do last night that was yellow?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
