You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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