So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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