someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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