i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
two words: eviction party
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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