she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
