Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
