i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
