How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
