Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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