Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
