Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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