i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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