well I can't set my house on fire every night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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