there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
dude. I can hear the air.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
