I want you more than these girls want KFC
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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