im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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