I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
