I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
