I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
