census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
