just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
