I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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