they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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