census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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