You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
