I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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