I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
did i walk over a car last night?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
