I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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