I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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