He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
