At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
