When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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