lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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