i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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