So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
