And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
