Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
