I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
