hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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