my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
