I have demons in me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
