Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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