she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
