Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
