Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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