The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
