Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
