He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
