I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dick very happy bro
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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