All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
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Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
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For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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