I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
