i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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