if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize