TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
