There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
