If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
