Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
