This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
