Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
