He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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