I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
