They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
